White Out
by Amy-Star
Summary: She always wanted to visit the place that NANA grew up in, she just did not think it would be under such sad circumstances. Slight Hachi/Nobu. Future AU.


_Hey NANA, on that night Shoji and I broke up, you told me your hometown spent half the year covered in snow. _

_Since then I have always wanted to visit the place NANA grew up._

_Maybe I thought it would help me understand you better._

_I wish I was not going there for such a sad reason._

Snow drifted down in light flurries, even though it was midday the black clouds that hanged heavily in the sky blocked out the sun making it appear that it was nighttime. Nana thought that the white landscape that stretched out as far as her eyes could go, made her feel as though she was stuck on a another world. There was a sense of loneliness in seeing nothing but whiteness.

"I hope it doesn't snow anymore then this," Shin spoke up frowning slightly as his blue eyes shifted up towards the sky, "I don't know if my baby can handle it."

Nana had to admit that when Shin showed up at her parents' house with the sleek but small red sports car; she had her reservations about getting in. For the first time that day she was happy about leaving Satsuki behind, she probably would not be able to handle the idea of putting her daughter in such a dangerous situation.

"I'm really impressed though Shin, that you're doing so well with you acting that you can afford this."

"I'm so happy that my mummy is proud of me," Shin responded with such a wide smile on his face that Nana could not help but giggle. The last time she had openly laughed out loud was two days ago, before Yasu had phoned her up to inform her that Nobu's mother had passed away. At first she wondered if she should go to the funeral, even though she wanted to help comfort Nobu, she doubted if Nobu wanted her sympathy. It took Yasu awhile to assure her that Nobu wanted her to come and that he harbored no ill feelings towards her. As he said these kind words, Nana could not help but think if that were truly the case, then why did Yasu call her instead of Nobu? Despite what people think, five years is not necessarily enough time to forgive a person for past mistakes and heartbreak.

"Look's like we're here," Shin announced, starring at Nana with concern, a moment ago she was laughing and then she suddenly became quiet.

Nana gave him a small smile before adjusting the skirt of her black kimono and patted her upswept hair to make sure it was in place, before stepping out of the car. The sight that greeted her made Nana's brown eyes go wide in wonder and her mouth gape open in surprise. The front entrance of the Ryokan* was a grey stone wall with two large pillars, one with the family name 'Terashima' inscribed on it. There was a path beyond the entrance, constructed out of large round stones that was shoveled recently for the visitors, with large but barren maple trees lined up on either side. The hotel itself was a large wooden structure, which possessed the formal beauty and elaborates precision that was common in traditional Japanese architecture. Nana always knew that Nobu was the disowned heir of a Ryokan; she just did not realize how impressive it was until now.

"Wow," Nana breathed out in amazement, "It's like something out of the Tales of Genji.*"

"Tales of what?" Shin questioned with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Regardless of the fact that Shin was now nineteen, nearly as tall as Yasu, with a face that was losing all traces of youthful roundness, when he gazed at her with childish curiosity it reminded Nana of when they first met.

"Never mind," Nana said gently as she opened her black umbrella and took hold of the arm Shin offered to her. The two of them walked up the stone path, the air around them was unnaturally quiet and Nana wondered how a boisterous person like Nobu grew up here.

The minute they stepped into the warm entrance of the building, a woman in her mid-fifties with steel grey hair and wearing a black kimono approached them with a kind smile.

"I would like to welcome you to the Terashima Ryokan, the Terashima family wishes to express their gratitude for you coming today," she bowed low from the waist, "My name is Yamada Hiromi, I' am the head maid here."

Nana bowed in return and introduced herself, then followed the maid to a small table where placed on it was a large black registry book for them to sign their names.

"Excuse me," Shin asked as he fumbled around in one of the pockets in the inside of his black suit jacket until he eventually pulled out a white envelope with black and white ribbon wrapped around it, "but what do I do with this?"

"Shin, you thought to bring a koden*," Nana asked in surprise, she did not realize Shin was well versed in Japanese funeral customs.

"Well, Yasu told me I should bring one," Shin replied shrugging his shoulders as the maid took the envelope with a grateful bow.

Nana now contemplated if maybe she should have brought one but she did not think Nobu would accept any money from her. She wondered if it was as poor of an excuse as it sounded in her head.

"Please wait in the lobby area," Mrs. Yamada gestured neatly down the hall," You're a little early but if you want I could send for refreshments."

"Thank you, but we'll be fine," Nana did not think she could eat anyhow with the way her stomach was twisting nervously. Shin began to make his way down the hallway but Nana stayed behind, her face distorted in conflict about whether to ask the maid a question she badly wanted to ask.

"Um…excuse me," Nana started nervously, Mrs. Yamada instantly turned to face her with an open and expectant look on her face, "Could you please tell me where Nobuo Terashima is?"

"I'm afraid Little Master is having tea with the priest right now."

Nana ignored the muffled sound of Shin covering his laughter at the title 'Little Master,' and bowed to the maid once more before walking down the hall.

The lobby was nearly as impressive as the exterior of the building, brightly polished wooden flooring, tan colored couches and red wood side tables that gave the room a modern sophisticated look. There were already several people dressed in black talking lowly amongst themselves, Nana's eyes kept scanning the room until she found a familiar baldhead sitting in a chair in a far off corner. Yasu raised his head when Shin and Nana approached him, with a weary smile he pushed himself up and greeted them.

"Yasu, you managed to beat us," Nana teased with a mock pout on her face.

"I only had to come from my parent's house," Yasu replied calmly but with a friendly tone, "How have you been Hachi?"

Nana stiffened at that question knowing that there was a loaded meaning behind it specifically that Takumi was spending more time in Britain then he was in Japan. The reason she told everyone was that he was away on business. In truth she still did not fully know why they were separated only that in the past year a rift had formed itself between them. For the most part she was fine with the arrangement, she wondered when it changed to her now feeling relief when Takumi was gone instead of loneliness. If anyone else then the members of BLAST or Junko asked her about the situation, Nana would put on a fake smile and say,'oh that husband of mine, he works too much.'

"I'm fine, but today I'm not the one who needs to be worried about."

"Have you seen Nobu?" Shin questioned Yasu while fishing around in his pockets again.

"Only for a minute. If you're getting your cigarettes don't bother, a maid already scolded me for smoking."

"How cruel," Shin groaned but stopped his movements.

"How is Nobu? Did he look okay?"

"He looked better then I expected, considering he's been the one planning the whole funeral by himself," Yasu paused for a minute before discreetly motioning his head towards the left of him. Nana turned to stare in that direction and saw a slight man with light brown hair, his face though blank was heavily lined, two people were talking to him but the man made no acknowledgement of their presence.

"That's Nobu's father and as you can see he's taking it hard."

The three old friends remained silent after that until a maid arrived announcing that the ceremony was about to begin and directed them towards the assembly hall. After they found three empty seats, Nana began to search the room for any signs of Nobu; she was getting frustrated because usually he was the easiest person to spot out in a crowd due to his bright blonde hair.

She was about to enlist Shin to help her when the priest entered the room, his leathered face held a grim expression, walking silently with only the soft rustling sounds of his black robes. Behind him came Nobu's father his head bowed so low she could not see his face, the Nobu followed and Nana's eyes focused solely on him. His blonde hair lacked the usual gelled up in spikes and it looked straight and thin. There was a solemn expression on his drawn out face, and his blue-grey eyes stared directly ahead of him avoiding eye contact. Nana thought he looked older but tired, and started to worry that he was not getting enough to eat or sleep.

The priest then came forward and stood in front of the white casket at the head of the room, he bowed lowly to the casket, and then walked forward to light a stick of incense. After completing this ritual, he was once again facing the crowd, and in a loud and clear voice read out the funeral sutra:

"Even the gorgeous royal chariots wear out and indeed this body too wears out. But teaching of goodness does not age, as goodness makes that known to the good ones."

There was a moment of silence before the priest bowed once more to the casket before stepping aside, so that one by one each member of the Terashima family stood up and followed the same ritual. Nana craned her neck in order to follow Nobu movements, ignoring Shin's protest that she was getting in his way. A part of her both feared and hoped that a flicker of pain would set itself across his face, however he remained stoic and performed the ritual with a formal and stiff air. This was not the Nobu who expressed every thing he felt in an open and uninhibited manner. He was a person who was not afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve. This Nobu projected the image of the dutiful and perfect first son, and Nana was unnerved watching him.

Shin then elbowed Nana in the side forcing her to tear her eyes away from Nobu to see that the guests were now moving towards the casket. She had been so busy thinking over other issues that she completely forgot about this part, she had never seen a dead body before and she prayed that she would not embarrass herself by freaking out. When it was her turn Nana moved forward with careful steps, she bowed low then picked up a stick of incense to light by the casket. Her heart was pounding in her chest, as she lit the incense she took a second to peak inside unable to fight her curiosity. The woman was small and had a handsome face; she was dressed in a white kimono with her long pale blonde hair flowing down to her waist. A peaceful expression was on her face, with her eyes closed and hands nearly folded on her stomach like she was sleeping. Nana recognized traces of Nobu in her.

A great feeling of wishing she had met this woman before she died overwhelmed Nana, and she shakily gave her last bow.

She waited until Yasu and Shin were finished offering their respects before moving on to speak with the members of the family. Nana desperately wanted to skip this part, watching Nobu from afar was a lot different then speaking to him face to face. Her palms were already beginning to feel sweaty as she clutched the folds of her kimono in fear.

Would he get angry with her for assuming she was welcomed to such a private affair?

Would he put on a forced smile and thank her for coming, even thought it was obvious to see he meant the opposite?

Would he simply completely ignore her?

Nana kept on going over one horrible scenario after another that it took her a moment to realize Yasu was talking to Nobu.

"I'm sorry for your loss. She was quite the lady."

"She would appreciate you coming," Nobu responded softly with eyes lowered.

"I'm disappointed I never got to meet her," Shin mused in a sad voice, "She sounded interesting."

"She was more scary then interesting," Nobu said fondly," I don't think even you could have charmed her."

"It'll give me something to look forward to do in the afterlife."

"Shin that's really inappropriate," Yasu said tiredly like one would do with a disobedient child.

"And it's a little weird for me," Nobu quipped up which was followed with all of them laughing softly.

"If you need anything," Yasu rested one of his hands comfortingly on Nobu's shoulder," Don't hesitate to call. I'll be here a couple of days at my parent's house."

Nobu responded with a thankful smile.

"Hachi and I are leaving tomorrow, but I'm free to talk as long as I'm not busy with more important things."

"Thanks a lot Shin," Nobu replied sarcastically but the two ended up sharing a brotherly hug.

Shin and Yasu finished with their goodbyes then started to move off with Nana closely behind them, thankful that she was not required to speak up during the conversation. She settled with the plan of keeping quiet and possibly escaping Nobu's notice, she was nearly successful when she just past him and then Nobu called out to her.

"Um…yes?" She answered thought mentally screaming at herself for not thinking up a better response.

"Thank you for coming. I thought you wouldn't because…Well you know," he paused and simply just stared at her before giving her a warm smile, "I'm just glad that you did."

Nana stood there shocked not knowing what to say, her mind raced madly trying to find the right words for this situation. Nobu continued to looked at her with a mixture of concern and guilt, which made Nana feel awful since there was no reason for him to feel guilty. She never got time to utter out a word when guests came up to offer their condolences forcing Nobu to turn his attention away from her. Nana hesitated about staying or leaving but in the end she decided to run away, not noticing that Nobu had caught a glimpse of her retreating form.

She collapsed into one of the couches in the lobby; her eyes began to burn as she felt her throat and chest tighten painfully.

_I'm just glad that you did._

"Hey Hachi, are you okay?"

Nana felt her body become rigid at the sound of Shin's concerned voice; she hastily dried her tears before raising her head to gaze up at him.

"Oh yes, I'm fine. I think the incense is making my eyes water."

Shine gave her a look that said he knew she was lying but Nana also hoped he could tell that she did not want to talk about it.

"We have to leave now; Yasu says a storm is coming in."

Nana nodded in acknowledgement, taking in a deep breath in a attempt to pull herself together, but her mind snapped right back to Nobu's kind smile.

"Shin?"

"Yea?" He stared at her over his shoulder.

"I'm not feeling well enough to go for another drive," she tilted her eyes down to the ground and played with the sleeve of her kimono," You go ahead to Yasu's house, I'm going to stay here."

There was a pause between them, Nana was too cowardly to raise her head to see what expression had crossed Shin's face. She was afraid that it would be a knowing look, that he understood the true motive behind her actions.

"Good luck, Hachiko," Shin gave her an encouraging smile.

Nana watched as Shin walked away with a dumbfounded expression on her face, trying to decide if he managed to guess what she was planning to do. 'Impossible,' she concluded sadly as she sat back down on the couch, 'I don't even know what I'm doing."

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Miss? Miss are you alright?"

Nana jerked awake from her sleep, her vision blurred until her hazel eyes focused on the figure standing before her.

"Oh…um, yes," She mumbled out, taking a second to get her bearings, she realized she had accidentally fallen asleep in the lobby of the Terashima hotel. Nana became flustered for doing such an embarrassing thing; she quickly stood up resulting in the blanket that a second before was wrapped around her to fall to the ground with a soft thump. Nana stared at the blanket in confusion before directing her attention back to the maid who was calling out for her again.

"I said, are you feeling sick?" Nana recognized her as the woman who had greeted her at the door.

"No, I'm fine," Nana, answered bending down to pick up the blanket," Just a little disorientated."

frowned at her in disbelief and it instantly reminded Nana of the way her mother would look at her when she lied.

"What time is it?" Nana asked as she folded the blanket up into a small square.

"A little bit after nine," Mrs. Yamada gently took the blanket and gave an apologetic smile," I would call a taxi for you but a snowstorm came in and all the roads are blocked."

"No it's fine; I wanted to stay here tonight."

"Little Master is fortunate to have a friend like you."

Nana wished that was the case but lately her track record with friends had been poor, especially since last year one of them went missing. Nana screwed her eyes shut and forced those horrible memories out of her mind. She would be no help to anybody if her thoughts were stuck in the past.

"Miss did you hear what I said?"

"Oh…sorry I didn't."

"Not to worry, it's been a hard day for all of us. I just asked you if you wanted to see the Little Master."

"If it's not too much trouble," Mrs. Yamada gave her a comforting smile and directed Nana down the hallway. On their way they passed the assembly hall where the funeral took place, the doors were still wide open and as Nana walked by a figure in the room made her halt in her steps. The room was nearly empty with all the chairs folded and put away, but the casket remained and kneeled down before it was .

"Poor soul," commented in a hushed voice," When you marry someone, you do so with the belief that you will always be together. Master must feel like he's been left behind."

Nana stared at the sad sight of a man staying with the one he loved to the very end, not wanting to be parted from her. Nana turned her head away feeling as thought she was viewing a private moment that belonged to the two people inside that room. Mrs. Yamada placed a gentle hand on Nana's arm and the two of them set off down the hallway, but not before Nana closed the doors to the assembly hall.

"Now go right up those stairs and you'll find Little Master's room," Mrs. Yamada bowed lowly in goodbye then started walking down the hall in the opposite direction.

"Um…Mrs. Yamada," Nana called out when a question once again suddenly entered her mind, "Was it you that put that blanket on me?"

"No dear, perhaps it was another maid."

Yes, of course," Nana smiled weakly then climbed up the darken staircase.

The hallway upstairs was different from the ones below, first it was darker with the overhead lights turned off, that and Nana felt an instant shift of temperature from warmth to coldness. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as a frigid breeze passed through, Nana's eyes followed to the source of the cold and found one of the windows open. Outside it looked like a million snowflakes were falling down, Nana stood mesmerized by the graceful flurries that made it impossible to distinguish the sky from the ground, to make out buildings or city lights, all she could see was white fragments swirling against an impenetrable darkness.

Nana wondered what NANA thought when she saw a snowstorm like this. Did it remind her of painful memories? Did it make her feel frighten to be unable to make out the outside world? Or perhaps did it bring about loneliness?

The pulsating sound of a guitar pulled Nana away from the dark thoughts that were surfacing from the barriers she placed against them. The first thought that came to Nana's mind as she listened was that the music sounded like crying. Nana took in a deep breath, then placed one foot in front of another and made her way to where Nobu was. She stood outside his room peering in through the crack from the slightly ajar door, she watched him as she continued to play his guitar like he was lost in his own world. Deep down Nana wished she had the courage to cross the threshold and comfort him; she badly desired to do anything to help him right now.

But she was too scared he would reject her.

"Hey," an amused smile crossed his weary face as Nobu tilted his head to look directly at her," How long are you going to stand out there for?"

Nana flushed pink in embarrassment as she pulled the door open and took a few steps forward into the light of his room," Is it…is it okay from me to come in?"

"Yea, sure it is."

Nana refrained from shouting in relief and instead walked carefully in until she made her way to his bed and sat down beside him, Nobu continued to strum absentmindedly on his guitar.

"Is that a new guitar?" Nana asked when she noticed it was white instead of the usual black one he played with when he was part of the Black Stones. She noticed this because after all, despite everything that happened she was still Black Stone's number one fan, it was the excuse she consoled herself with for still remembering small details about Nobu.

"No," Nobu replied while fondly caressing the guitar with his hands," Actually this is my first love."

"Really? Should I leave the two of you alone?" Nana nearly covered her mouth in mortification when these teasing words came out; she was relieved when Nobu laughed it off.

"My father took this away from me; since I played it so often that I failed my high school entrance exams. It was actually a real shock."

"Well you did fail your exams," Nana shot back in good humor; amazed that Nobu had managed to do something even more irresponsible then her when he was in high school.

"No, I meant that it was a surprise that my dad was angry instead of my mom. She was the scary one."

"Oh really," Nana replied hesitantly not knowing how to respond to a statement like that.

"Yea, really. When I was a kid if I ever misbehaved she would threaten to lock me in the haunted storehouse in the back," Nobu gave a little shiver of fear from the memory;" She actually did do it a couple of times."

"That is scary," Nana wondered how the gentle looking woman she saw today could do that to her son.

"But you know when I decided to work in order to buy a new guitar she supported me," Nobu stared at the guitar in his hands for a moment he then set it against the wall beside his bed," And when my hands got blisters from all the work I was doing she would rub cream on them."

Nana watched the bitter and sad smile cross his features, she then moved gaze away and stared at the clenched fists in her lap. A familiar burning sensation made her eyes water, as she mulled over in anger at her own lack of ability to say a word of comfort to him.

"I realize that she loved me in her own way, and that…hey, why are you crying?"

Nana lowered her face into her hands but the tears kept falling down, her body began to tremble and Nobu watched her helplessly not knowing what to do.

"I'm sorry Nobu," Nana managed to murmur out through her tears, "I came up here to make you feel better but now I don't know what to say."

"You're so hopeless," Nobu sighed out, reaching over to rest his hand on top of her head, "Aren't I the one who should be crying in this situation?"

"I'm so-sorry," Nana started to rub her eyes in an attempt to stop herself crying," I'll leave you right now!"

Before Nobu could stop her, Nana abruptly got to her feet and was about to leave the room as quickly as possible, however she miscalculated her steps and ended up falling face first onto the floor. Nobu stared at her crumpled form in astonishment before bursting out into laughter.

"Nobu! This isn't funny!"

"Man, you really suck at dramatic exits don't you?"

"Oh, this is horrible," Nana, cried out as she pushed herself into the sitting position, feeling the urge to throw something in a fit of frustration.

"Now, don't pout," Nobu, teased as he moved off his bed to sit down on the floor with her, "You're a grown woman, you can't cry when you do stupid things."

"I know that," Nana snapped back but instantly regretted her harsh tone.

"Well that's good to hear," Nobu stated giving her a fond smile that made Nana's pulse quicken. He then reached his hand over and Nana thought he was going to ruffle her hair like he used to do when she acted childish; instead, he grabbed her arm and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm really happy you came," Nobu whispered into her hair wrapping his arms around her, Nana stiffened in his embrace for a second in confusion but then allowed her body to relax into his.

"Nobu," Nana's hands traveled upwards and grasped the folds at the back of his shirt," Are you okay? All day you looked distant to what was going on around you."

"Maybe that's true," his hoarse reply came then his body began to shake with his own silent cries. Nana just tightened her hold on him, rubbing his back reassuring while softly telling him that she had him and that he could let it all out.

This was her Nobu, the one she had been missing.

To Nana the moment felt too short because it did not take long for Nobu to collect himself again, she almost wanted to protest when she felt his hands on her shoulder pushing her away. Not all those concerns lasted long when he leaned in and kissed her deeply.

Nana did nothing to fight against and allowed herself to sink down with him.

The morning sky was a clear blue.

There was only a small cluster of white clouds to the far north, and though the could easily gain momentum and start another snow storm, the seemingly endless clarity of the sky made that possibility feel very far away.

Nana breathed in deeply, enjoying the cold air with the heavy taste of slat due to the nearby sea. She loved the way her lungs prickled from the coolness and the heavy fog in her mind dissipated when she was here. The air in Tokyo always felt thin to her, as if you had to work extra hard in order to breath enough in.

Her eyes became alert when she heard someone walk up behind her, but felt her body relax when Nobu sat down beside her on the bench in the courtyard of the Ryokan where the garden was. Since it was the middle of winter, Nobu and Nana could only stare at mounds of snow and grey trees completely bare of any leaves. The silence between them was comfortable, and though neither of them really enjoyed quiet and they were considered noisy people, Nana felt a sense of peace right now. The barrier that was erected from past betrayals and misunderstandings had diminished last night, she at least no longer felt awkward around him.

"Hey Hachi, there's something I need to tell you."

Nana gave him a beaming smile that took Nobu aback, "It's been a long time since you called me that."

"I thought you hate that nic-name," Nobu pointed out with a small smile.

"Well, I didn't mind it when certain people called me by it."

Nobu continued to smile but began to fidget which Nana remembered meant that he was nervous about something.

"I'm not…I'm not going back to Tokyo for awhile."

Nana stared at him in shock for a moment before quickly recovering herself," Of course, that makes sense. You father needs you."

Nobu ran a hand through hi short blonde hair and stared deter idly in the snow covered garden," No I meant that I have no plans to come back. There's nothing for me in Tokyo anymore, especially since there's no more Black Stones." Nana bowed her head and took in a deep breath, feeling completely frustrated and wondering if it was the Demon Lord's doing to take something away from her just when she thought she had it back. That seemed to be a trend in her life lately, people leaving her behind.

"I see. I'm happy for you," Nana choked out, her eyes began to sting with approaching tears and she hated herself for acting so childish.

"That would be more convincing if you weren't crying," Nobu said dryly, hoping she would find the humor in his words.

"Come on now," he reached over and patted her on the back, "I'm the one who is leaving everything behind."

"I know…but I'll still miss you."

"Hachi, other then the past twenty-four hours we haven't been that close for years. What is there to miss?"

"But," she wiped her eyes with the back of her hands," You were still always around."

Nobu was struck silent at that comment, not knowing what to do with the words she had just given him.

"Master Nobu," Mrs. Yamada announced herself and gave a small bow," A Mr. Okazaki Shinichi is here to pick up Mrs. Ichinose."

"Thank you," he turned to stare briefly at Nana trying to collect herself," Tell him she'll be there in a minute."

"No, I'm fine," Nana stumbled to her feet but was steadied when Nobu grabbed a hold of her arm to prevent her from falling again," Please don't worry about me." Nana pressed her hand against the kimono to smooth away the wrinkles and rubbed her face and eyes so that it was not obvious she had been crying, when she felt herself presentable she turned to smile at Nobu.

"Thank you for inviting me," she gave him a formal bow of goodbye, "I hope you do well in the future, sorry to be such a bother."

"You should drink a bottle of water, your body must be dehydrated after all the crying you did," Nobu teased.

Nana scowled at him before she took on an air of superiority," Why would I take advice from a man known as 'Little Master Nobu.'"

He glared crossly at her retreating back while Nana laughed to herself enjoying the sensation of the overwhelming feeling of lightness.

"Hey Hachi," Nobu called out before Nana climbed up the steps back into the house, she moved to look at him with curiosity," If you want you can phone or email me. I mean, I might get lonely too being stuck in the middle of nowhere."

"I promise I will," Nana replied happily almost feeling like she would cry again, but all that mattered was Nobu smiling back at her the way he used to.

_Hey NANA_

_I think I have realized that even when everything around you is cold and empty, you can still find happiness._

_I hope that one day you arrive to the same conclusion and come back to us._

_I want all of us to smile together again. _

Authors Note: Wow, that turned out way longer then I expected. I hope everyone enjoyed this, I wrote it about a year ago and only now found the nerve to post it. So it would be lovely to get some feedback.


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